Zolda del West

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Because. That's Why.

Does anyone really know what time it is? It's time for a gravy rainbow, of course.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Dance Craze: Dracula's Tango

We're bedeviled these days by a blood-thirsty dance monster. Who knew Dracula could dance?

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Fans of wickidity and words, we bring you yet another installment of Wicktionary, the wicked word wonder.

glime/slitter: glitter/slime- An assault with glitter-infused slime which is worse than either component on its own. Picture the grossness of slime of the consistency like that which is emitted by an aroused slug paired with the horrible insidiousness of glitter. Make it exude from pustules erupting on the skin and you have a hextraordinarily awful invention. Not only is it horrid, but it pretty much ensures that the victim will have no recourse to a dignified reaction.

hexplode- hex/explode - A hex causing the victim to explode. The hexer often wants to be far away when this hex goes into effect, as it can get a bit messy. The hexer often wants others who have been deemed deserving in close proximity to the victim for the exact same reason. Hexplosions have sometimes been very effectively combined with glime. (see above)

whimsickening- whimsical/sickening- The whimsical treatment of a sickening thing. Most of the words in the Wicktionary fit this description.

somnambussault- somnambulist/assault- An assault carried out by a sleepwalker. This is an excellent hex feature. The somnambussaulter will not have any idea of the havoc he or she has wrought during slumber.

historivaricate- history/prevaricate- To make stuff up regarding history, thus pretending things happened in ways they never did. Parents, politicians, and religious leaders are prime practitioners.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Wicktionary Part Deux

Welcome to another installment of the West Texas Wicktionary, an ongoing attempt to document the foul acts of the Wicked Witch of West Texas by way of her perverse linguistic innovations. These portmanteaus were created by our least favorite evil-doer when she took her portmanteau primaries, and to this day some of these words have remained poorly understood. Through this project we hope drag these dank monstrosities into view, exposing the twisted brain that formed them, for only when we understand monsters can we avoid falling prey to them. (Wicktionary part 1)

vacatiacide- portparts: homicide, vacation. Definition: a homicidal vacation, usually disguised as a friendly visit with the purpose mending relationships that were damaged by previous misdeeds. It usually precludes ever being invited back, so must be used sparingly.

Texile- portparts: Texas, exile. Definition: when one must retreat to Texas after committing so many evil acts in a more civilized locale that one becomes paranoid about reprisals.

eduvaricate- portparts: educate, prevaricate. Definition: to educate by means of feeding the target lies and misinformation. Among Wickidity practitioners it's considered the most effective method, particularly when the lies and misinformation are contradictory, as this creates a condition of profound ambiguity forcing the student to struggle for answers or go bonkers. It also creates a student who refuses to believe anything it is told without absolute proof which imbues the student with absolute immunity to many forms of both nonsense and truth.

insectihex- portparts: insect, hex. Definition: to hex someone with an insect related malady, such as complete or partial transformation into and insect, or spontaneous insect eruptions from the nose, mouth and ears, for instance. Many new species of insects have been created this way when someone was foolish enough to offer a critique of the Wicked Witch of West Texas or her aesthetic sensibilities.

rodentihex- portparts: rodent, hex. Definition: to hex someone with a rodent related malady. One example was the unfortunate case of the hot headed naked ice borer, who used to be a girl named Laurie until she offered sartorial criticism to a very young Wicked Witch of West Texas.

Friday, May 1, 2015

West Texas Wicktionary

The Witch's Dictionary-- Long before a certain Walla Walla Wickidity bigwig disappeared into the vast wasteland of West Texas, she created her masterwork of linguistic obfuscation, a set of portmanteaus so pretentious, so pedantic, and sometimes so sadistic, that linguists still puzzle over their real meanings. Some have been decoded. Many, however, contain meanings so convoluted that they defy all rational explanation, making them either useless or brilliant, though experts may never agree which is the case. This blog, in an effort to shine a light into the dark, damp, and often slimy mental machinations of the Wicked Witch of West Texas, will publish the meanings of some of these portmanteaus as they become known.

A word of warning-- these portmanteaus are inappropriate for everyone, and should not, under any circumstances be read, except as a way of guarding against their creator and better understanding the threat she poses to polite society. None of these portmanteaus should be taken to suggest any actual behavior. Also, reading about these words may cause dry mouth, dizziness upon standing, frequent urination, and sleep disturbances. That said, enjoy...

Knickle- Portparts: knuckle, tickle. Definition: to tickle with one's knuckles.

Brickle- Portparts: brick, tickle. Definition: to tickle with a brick.

Tortainment: Portparts: torture or torment, entertain. Definition: to entertain by means of torture or torment.

Huggle- Portparts: struggle, hug. Definition: to hug someone who is struggling.

Poisoeuvres: Portparts: poison, hors d'oeuvres. Definition: a poisoned appetizer, which de-necessitates further cooking. A labor-saving innovation. (Not to be mistaken for a seafood amuse bouche.)

There is a great deal more to come as we begin to comprehend the full horror of the Wicked Witch of West Texas's terrible crimes. Crimes against humanity, language, and good form. Stay tuned.

Posted By: Zelda del West