Oprah: Lulu Not a Real Person, Accuses Memoirist, West, of Hoax

(above: Prada, Marfa)

Talk show queen Oprah Winfrey spoke up today to denounce celebrated memoirist, Zelda del West, who recently penned an explosive tell-all about a small Walla Walla girl who supposedly endured a horrible kidnapping crisis at the hands of an evil aunt who also happens to be a Wicked Witch.

"This is just another hoax memoir," Oprah announced. "The girl, Lulu, cannot be found, nor any of this story verified. I demand an apology from Zelda del West, if that's even her real name, which is unlikely. She's a fake. Furthermore, I assert that there is no such thing as a Wicked Witch of West Texas, or Walla Walla, or anyplace else, for that matter."

West was reached at her home on a Chupacabra ranch somewhere near a town somewhere in Texas, or somewhere near Texas, or near a state that borders Texas-- depending on how you define "near." Suffice it to say that West is a bit vague about her location.

"I resent the accusation that I made this story up. Lulu is very real and because of the trauma she's endured her mental state is fragile. I have protected her identity out of concerns for her safety. The Wicked Witch of West Texas certainly is real, and Lulu's still in danger, as am I, having revealed her existence to the world. We can't simply go prancing about over at the Marfa Prada store like the Witch isn't watching."

"I've actually spoken to Lulu," insists June Jones, West's editor. "She's just a very frightened little girl, who happens to tell people to shut up a lot."

The controversy shows no signs of letting up.

"Oprah has been mislead by so many phony memoirists," Zelda del West speculated, "she really has no idea what's true and what's false at this point. Plus we all remember that incident with a certain evil wizard not long ago."

Get Your Unicorn: Fabulous Mythical Animal Taxidermy Sale

See the Slideshow here.

From the article:

The fictional menagerie of deceased critters also boasts an extended sausage dog, furry fish, mermaid and a bizarre bat-like winged beast with webbed feet.
They formed part of a museum of taxidermy that has closed and now are to go under the hammer.
They were billed in the 19th century as having been brought to the UK by fictional adventurer Professor Copperthwaite.
Some Victorians might even have believed these impossible creatures existed because some, like the Siamese sheep, were real.
Others such as the Jackalope - a nearly extinct antlered species of rabbit "found almost exclusively on the high plains of Wyoming" - were not.
The mermaid was said to have been purchased from a man in Calcutta from a Japanese sailor and the unicorn is labelled "Monoceros unicornis."
And the "cheasant" or "phicken" was said to be a cross between a domestic fowl and ornamental pheasant.

Wow. A "real" jackalope. We all know what's on my Halloween gift list.